Wet Socks: Battlefield Kitchen

            I think we can agree that of the many occurrences one can experience on an average day, hands down the most dreadful is stepping in a small pool of water with socks on.  Wet socks provide for a most unpleasant cold sensation of damp cloth on your feet, inevitably chilling your little piggies; moreover, the whole event is made that much worse due to the factor of surprise that the nearly invisible collections of water use against our socks.  Chances are if you are walking around your house wearing only socks (you should be wearing other clothing as well, tsk tsk) you are trying to relax and take a load off.  Maybe it's brisk and snowing outside, and a great old movie is airing on television- the ingredients for a perfect winter Lazy Sunday.  At that moment, nothing can come between you and that sweet spot on the sofa where you can rest your head ever so gently on the cushion and maybe even take a stroll through the highly sought for land known as "sleep purgatory" briefly.  Just a little hot cocoa and you will have fully exercised your relaxation muscles. 

            Upon entering your kitchen and fishing the cocoa packets out of the cabinet, you turn to grab the jumbo marshmallows (you deserve them) and fatally err- one regretful step later your warm and cozy afternoon indoors has been transformed into a cold, soggy nightmare, like something out of a Goosebumps novel (but with fewer puns).

            So what in the world drove the universe to scheme against you and the stars to align to lead you to this unfortunate, downtrodden state?  Unfortunately scientists have not determined exact cause for mysterious puddles of water appearing on kitchen floors that seemingly appear to be dry, in fact, there are no recorded studies on this matter either.  What is important to keep in mind is that wet socks are truly awful.

            Perhaps I am looking at this issue from a "first-world problems" point of view, where even the slightest obstacles in life are viewed with disproportionately strong feeling and despairing emotion.  I would argue that stepping in water and having no option but to absorb the blow with one's socks is a universal struggle, the type of situation with which anyone with hard floors or even a recently used bathroom can sadly sympathize.  It's simply an irreversible accident.  

           Now, someone without an extensive history of wet socks (a.k.a. swamp socks/ damp dogs/ soggy mutts) might imprudently ask, "Well, can't you just get some new socks from the sock drawer and be finished?"  The answer is a clear and resounding, "NO!"  It takes significant time for my feet to warm up my socks, so I want to be able to enjoy their warming comfort for the rest of the day; switching to a brand-new pair means enduring the fifteen minute gap with cold, dry socks until their temperature rises from use.  The only known fail-safe solution to the "fifteen minute polar gap" is to keep the dryer running on tumble with several pairs of socks eternally drying  (**Note: I do not personally recommend this method of wet sock prevention). 

            For now, all I can say is Godspeed to my fellow sock-wearers.  Be vigilant of rogue water spills, stay dry, and sport your socks proudly, my brothers and sisters!!!

Warning: the following image may make some viewers uncomfortable...

George may have lost the battle here, but his spirit was never broken.

He continues to wear socks around the house to this very day.