I think we can agree that instructional bumper stickers are an outright lie. In my experience, the drivers with bumper stickers commanding good works do the exact opposite of what their message purveys. So, unless your car's ass states something funny, you can take your message and shove it, place it, lay it and/or toss it.
Not too long ago, I was driving in the ShopRite parking lot. Strategically operating an automobile while trying to preserve my life and not hit pedestrians and other cars is more accurate, but I'll use the word driving to keep things simple. (Run on sentence anyone). As I was driving towards the exit, a woman driver cut me off. She was a little older, perhaps in her sixties. And, she maneuvered her upscale, luxury sedan (Mercedes, if you will) with the greatest of ease and with the absolute, utmost disregard for anyone else in the parking lot. (My vision of this lady driver is along the lines of Lucille Bluth.) (So, let's just call her Lucille for the rest of this passage, shall we?)
Well, on Lucille's Mercedes' bumper, there was a sticker that gave the reader a job. "Work for peace and fight for justice" or some such nonsense. "Doesn't matter how you drive or who you cut off. Just matters how we get our peace" was not a part of the bumper sticker. Did Lucille forget about her bumper sticker's message? Maybe Lucille was borrowing someone else's car? I doubt it. Lucille just wants others to think that peace is part of her mission because it sounds good.
After Lucille committed her offense, I was a bit perplexed. Did this person really just cut me off? How could that be? She had a bumper sticker shouting out the goodness of peace. She wouldn't do that. But yes, she did. BIG FAT LIAR!
More recently I observed another driver driving in direct opposition to their bumper sticker's message. This person's sticker read "LOVE" and this little missy could not have been more aggressive. She obviously was in a major rush but "LOVE" was the last thing on her mind. First, she tried to drive into the trunk of my car. I know there is great conversation in my car, so I assumed she wanted to partake in the great conversation. But when I saw little missy (that's what we are going to call her, ok?) zoom out of my lane and then up into another person's trunk, I realized she was not after my witty chit-chat. That was when I also realized BIG FAT LIAR!
So to conclude my rant and to nip this heinous crime in the bud, if you see an instructional bumper sticker, be sure to drink your Ovaltine and "HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS!"
I think we can agree that we must read bumper stickers, which I thought was one word until the computer put a squiggly red line under it. We should obey them as well. If someone used their valuable time and limited resources to bring light to something, shouldn't we act?
ReplyDeleteAs with most important things in this life, there are categories. There are two categories of bumper stickers. There is the action bumper sticker and the situation bumper sticker. Obviously, both categories are important.
Recently, I saw what is probably the most important bumper sticker ever. 'SAVE THE PLANET" Does it get anymore important than that? "SAVE THE PLANET" Could it get any more important?
Some high minded person took time out of their busy day to put this glossy, glue backed missive on their sensible vehicle. I read it. I must take action. How could I not? Imagine, something so important.
The only problem is I'm a little bust right now. I have to bring down the rest of my winter clothes from the attic and soon I will have to take down the Christmas lights. Very busy indeed.
Realizing my earthly limitations, I will be more realistic and lower my aims. I will save two continents and a major ocean. I think that's fair. I hope someone else will make up the difference. Perhaps I will find a bumper sticker that says "Make up the difference"
Regarding the other category of bumper sticker, the situation bumper sticker, here is a classic "Jesus loves you. The rest of us think you're an asshole." Very informative. That is a situation of which, I believe, anyone would want to be aware.
Now, some bumper stickers may be a little difficult to categorize, but are just as important. A classic, difficult to categorize is "WHO FARTED?" so let's clear it up right away. It does bring attention to a situation, such as it is, but the sticker sticker wants information and wants to be told who, in fact, farted. Therefore it is an action bumper sticker. Stone Thrower