Erin Go Bragh, Not Erin Go Bra-less

     I think we Irishmen can agree... St. Paddy's Day is one of the greatest holidays of the year. It's usually a blast no matter where you are and who you're with. This year I was fortunate enough to be with exactly the right people for this wonderful celebration. The dance moves coming out of these people were unmatched by even the pros. So here's a list of my top 5 St. Patty's day dance moves.

There were the moms and dads doing the Parent Shuffle.

There was some of the classic Sweatin' With St. Patrick.

A bit of what I like to call Fowl Nonsense.

The Look Ma, No Hands aka the Look Gurl No Drank

And towards the end of the night most everybody did the Sloth Samba.

     BUT!! The greatest part of the night was not the dancing. It was the performance. And not the scheduled performance either. We were expecting the drunken folk songs (although they weren't Irish which was a little disappointing). We were also looking forward to the step dancers. But even better than all of that was the Inebriated Idiot Display.

     She was one of those people who show up to to a party and announce how drunk they will be, are getting, and will continue to be throughout the night. The type that, for the sake of the rest of us, should always leave the house with a muzzle like Bane. She came in with her saggy chested stump of a body covered in far to little clothes for anyone's liking. Then the drinking began. She scarfed down beer after beer, and when she was loose enough she took some mystery drug. We don't know what she was on, but she must have been on something. I say that because she then proceeded to run up on stage, rip her shirt off, and light her chest on fire.

1) Honey, sweety, gurl... NO ONE wants to see that.

2) You're TOO DAMN OLD for that crap.

     So we thought that was bad enough. But as the bouncers were kicking her out, she slopped herself down into a booth where she lost control and pooped on everything. She pooped the seat. She pooped her dress. She pooped the floor. She pooped the wall. As Harry might say in the beginning of the Sorcerer's Stone, she pooped the lot. But Gryffindor did not win. She was kicked out of the joint, and that big gurly ain't neva comin' back. Whoever cleaned that mess up must not have been very happy, but the rest of us were quite pleased with the story we took away from it. A great night overall.

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!